2:28pm Here it is! September. What a wild ride through the summer months. Not that it’s over — the temp is somewhere near 90 and the humidity… oy. It’s definitely impacting my mood. I think. Something is impacting my mood. I know that one can’t be living in the Expansion all the time. Look at the economy, for crissakes! What expands must contract (except perhaps for the Universe?). At least I’ve found this to be true for me and all the people I know. There are the big, fullhearted, life-is-great, (or at least the-challenges-of life-are-interesting) times and the constricted, shut down, life-sucks-and-who-needs-these-challenges-anyway times. Without going through all the blog posts, I don’t believe that in the last 24 days, I’ve had a full-on, protracted, grouch attack, like the one I’m having today.

This morning at 7am, I made my usual getting-my-92-year-old-mother-with-Alzheimer’s-oriented-to-the-day phonecall. As has been happening increasingly, she didn’t pick up the phone. I called several more times as I finished getting dressed. She lives around the corner from me and when she doesn’t answer the phone, I take a walk over to see what’s what. Today, she’d finished her morning routine and decided that though it was before 7am and though her aide would not be arriving for another two hours, she should head out to the senior center for lunch. I no longer panic when she’s not home. She still knows how to put together a snappy outfit. She still remembers her keys and to lock the door. She still remembers where the senior center is and I know she’ll be sitting on the little white brick wall in front of the synagogue which houses it. She is, so far, lost in time, not in space. Each time I arrive at the center, she seems entirely mystifyed as to why she can’t remember what 7am signifies with respect to the decisions she’s making. We talk about her Alzheimer’s. We talk about how she has always been a creature of habit and someone who always needed to know what the next thing on the agenda was. And going to the center is the next thing, because the 2.5 hours of down time in between getting dressed and leaving for lunch is not a “to do.” It’s the same talk each time. I remain calm, patient, deeply knowing she has no idea this is a conversation we have several times a week. I get her back upstairs, make sure she’s hydrated and clear that the aide will be there in less than an hour. Today, the cleaning lady will be there, too. A big day!

With my mother installed in her recliner in her air-conditioned bedroom for a much-needed snooze, I return home where I find myself in a funk that has remained. The kitcheree elixir has not removed the tightness in my chest, the knot in my solar plexus. I can feel my face frowning. It would be easy to conclude from this post that my funk is due to this morning’s unscheduled walk up to senior center. Or maybe it’s the 3 month wait since the application for Medicaid was filed and the possibility of getting my mother the 24 hour care she needs can be explored. Or the fact that she’s out of money and I’m about to be out of money — including my retirement fund which, like the rest of Americans in their 60s who don’t plan to retire, is going to the care of their nonagenarian parents. These things pull me away from the expanded place I’ve been in, from the healing work I prefer to be engaged in on behalf of the planet. I can’t fix the healthcare and social services system. I can’t go head to head with the Corporatocracy. But I can pray for the healing of the Gulf, for the healing of the planet, for the healing of hate and greed — the greed that keeps the healthcare system broken.

And I can’t fix the woundings that caused my mother to become the person she became and who is now stuck with the habits of a lifetime. I can be compassionate and patient and pray that she gets a ticket out before she loses all function and becomes a being that she expressly stated when she was in her 70s she never wanted to be.

7:29pm I’m feeling a little better. I’ve been asked to read in a poetry reading tomorrow evening and I was looking for what I wanted to read. I’ve reconnected with some Magic Spells I’d written in 2002-2003 and reading them completely turned my mood around. I came upon one I had no memory writing. It as completely on target for this moment. A friend from seminary called me today and asked if I’d join her in a prayer practice that we’d do for each other to call in prosperity. There had to be divine intervention involved in my coming upon this Spell. I offer it here for all.

A Spell to Transform Obstacles to
Abundance and Prosperity into Stepping Stones
I’ve lived my life expecting
there will never be enough —
It makes achieving Joy and Bliss
entirely too tough.
The second-guessing, doubt and fear,
Ignoring things I hold most dear,
Rejecting Angels who appear —
All stand as Obstacles to Wealth,
Abundant Living, Vibrant Health.
Prosperity is out of reach,
No time for Standing on a Beach with
Trousers Rolled and Perfect Peach.

These obstacles brought from before
Have been as steps to this next door.
With burning sage and sandalwood
(And always for the greatest good)
We ask The Goddess if She could
Please change the things that bar our way
to Stepping Stones so that we may
Arrive at True Properity:
We ask with all humility
Transform these things—
So Make It Be!

Love, light, prosperity, and blessings to all who are with me on this journey.