40 days and 40 nights — Day 17

2:07pm It’s been raining for 4 days. I try not to play favorites with the weather — there isn’t anything intrinsically good or bad about weather, only how it conveniences or inconveniences us humans — but these gray, rainy days get me down.* My beloved, who rivals me in finding positive ways to view things. reminded me today that fire sign people (like my Sagittarian self) are not at their best with prolonged periods of rain. Made sense to me, but I consider my issues with rainy days to be pretty politically and spiritually incorrect!

Here’s why:
Several years back, I was a student of a wonderfully and terribly charismatic teacher from whom I learned the basis of my current shamanic practice (deep gratitude to her, even as I keep my distance). I have been quite taken with her belief that we are all suffering from yin depletion. She encouraged us to look upon rainy times like these last 4 days as opportunities to replenish yin. Just as the night is made for yin replenishment, so are the gray, wet, rain times.

I have meditated a lot on this notion, realizing the inseparable nature of yin and yang but seeing how, in our culture, things that possess yin qualities (dark, cold, below, stillness, inwardness, inhibatory) are not as prized as things that are associated with yang (bright, warm, above, movement, outwardness, excitatory). I take this as a clear illustration of how far out of balance we have gotten; how committed the culture is to the devaluation of the feminine and to the myth of separation — in this case, the separation of the masculine from the feminine, and how part of my practice is to move toward balancing yin and yang energies in myself.

I have begun a gratitude practice over my food which I remember to do only half the time and when I’m with people who have no use for spiritual practice, I am still too shy to do at all. I’ll get over it. This practice involves holding my hands over my bowl of kitcheri and feeling the energy of the food. I can feel each ingredient, see it’s origins, give gratitude to the plants, to the Earth Mother, the goats whose milk has made the yogurt, and to the humans who farmed, packaged and got everything I need into the stores where I bought it, got it home and prepared it. I give gratitude to the energy of all the beings known and unknown to me that went into the creation of what I am about to consume, what is about to become part of me, to nourish me and to bring me into balance. I feel the balanced energy of the stew, I feel my energy body moving into alignment. Yin inseparable from yang in a beautiful dance that is my lifeforce where sometimes one leads and sometimes the other. It strikes me that one can’t eat compulsively if one stops to give gratitude for the food one is consuming and connects to what has actually gone into its creation. May the end of my compulsive eating be a fruit of my 40 days and 40 nights!

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*Today, at my altar, I prayed for the flood victims of Pakistan. As I re-read the words “…rainy days get me down” sitting in my dry apartment at my Macbook Pro with a nice 21 inch monitor, I say to myself, “Riva! Honey! Get a grip!”