40 days and 40 nights — Day 12

11:13pm Long, busy day and yet not much to report. Today included an organizational thing that had me sitting at a table with a group of people eating a fabulous looking spread of healthy, well-prepared food (+ a seemingly endless supply of beer). It’s not that I wished I could eat and drink as the others were — I can honestly say my mouth didn’t even water (though it is now as I sit and think about the food that was there). I’d had a nice helping of kitcheree before going to this shindig and arrived intentionally late. Though folks were still eating, some speechifying was going to happen that I needed to listen to. Because of that, my focus was on the speaker and not on the food, and others were less involved with my not eating. It went fine. I felt, to some extent, outside the group. But truth be told, that’s always been true. Only my consciousness about it has changed and I am unwilling to participate in something not right for me so that I can feel like I belong. It all worked out fine with more opportunities to observe and learn and feel ok about myself. Time to sleep.