40 days and 40 nights — Day 9

8:24pm Today, I found myself away from home (and my kitcheree supply) for a longer stretch than I’d anticipated. I’d contemplated taking a to-go bowl with me but I didn’t. I’d left the house feeling very satisfied from my midday portion and was sure I’d comfortably make it home for the next meal. Well, I was wrong. I was out and, after a wonderful, inspiring few hours with several dear friends, I was extremely hungry. I don’t get the severe hungry pangs I’d had in the first few days. The hunger hit as a slight disturbance in my stomach, but I could feel it in my head, the way my mind was functioning — it was running on empty. So here I was, faced with the challenge to not panic. I was determined to find an Asian market so I could pick up a supply of garam masala, a spice I’ve come to love in my kitcheree. I didn’t want to have to rush home to feed myself. As I drove down Central Avenue through lower Westchester, I was aware that at another time, I’d have just gotten either a nosh or a meal. I felt relief at knowing that simply wasn’t an option for me now and that hungry is just another way to feel. It’s a problem that would be deliciously solved in very short order. I was once again struck at how privileged I am. This fast puts me squarely into the middle of how rich my life is. I don’t think I could have predicted that an ongoing experience of physical hunger would have given me this lesson. Could this be the beginning of the end for my Hungry Ghost — the one who has clung to her addictive behaviors like her life depended on it. I pray for that.

A factoid about kitcheree: this won’t be news to anyone who cooks, but here it is anyway — like cholent, like stew, kitcheree improves exponentially the next day. I want to try to get into a cycle of cooking the next batch at least a day before I need it. Make a note.